Hard To Swallow

I was told that I am the proverbial day late and a dollar short. The Singapore Tourism Board has switched from 'Uniquely Singapore' to 'Your Singapore'.

"Singapore is many things to different people. And with the richness and variety of experiences here, it's easy to enjoy Singapore in your own personal way. Come, make Singapore your own at yoursingapore.com."


My early 80's Singapore used to be a clean, highly regulated, boringly efficient, 'sterile', uptight kind of place. This time around it seems to have first world hardware that is not fully supported by the software.


We have some very impressive buildings, including the airport which is in constant 'upgrading' mode - or sprouting new terminals.


Take the Marina Bay Sands (MBS)where friends checked in via the Paizza lobby only to find their commode had not been flushed!


While we were out for dinner (seafood and durian) the hotel called and tendered their apologies and said they'd be upgraded (their luggage would be moved for them into their new accommodation).


By the time we had returned from our durian 'fix' the new room was ready but we had to wait for their luggage. In the meantime, their 'personal' butler appeared and introduced himself and made a cup of tea for us. After that he disappeared not to be seen again during the rest of their stay.


I had driven there as I could not find either a good map or directions to MBS (even on their website). Unbeknown to me there is no self parking, only valet parking at some astronomical hourly rate - but casino guests are 'comped'.


The 'personal' butler didn't seem to know too much about the procedure for my friends to obtain a voucher so that I would not have to pay an arm and a leg to retrieve my wheels, so we went along to the 4th level walkway between the hotel and casino.


There the casino representative started off being unhelpful until we reminded him that his lady colleague had said that when she went off duty he would issue the necessary voucher(s). Apparently no vouchers were required and I was given a card with a number on it and asked to hand it to the Valet Parking counter and have them call that number.


I left my friends to amuse themselves in the casino and wound my way through the teeming hordes in the long lobby. I handed the valet parking ticket and card to a female attendant who asked me to pay. I had to repeat what I was told to say a few times before she turned and handed the papers to a male colleague and said, "she was told to call this number". He didn't bat an eyelid and called for my car.


There was a glassed in room behind the Valet stand and I didn't realise what it was for until I waited and waited for my car to appear. The sheer number of cars being parked and retrieved meant a minimum of 20 minutes' wait and usually more, and the room was for people waiting for their cars!


Anyway, I was quite relieved to be able to leave the chaos for the comfort of home.


Next morning, I climbed into a taxi and we made our way to MBS. Except that as we got to the environs of Suntec City we hit a wall of vehicles. Uh oh, they had closed some roads for YOG (Youth Olympic Games - which maybe some of you who are overseas may have heard about).


There were no signs directing us to alternative routes so we crawled along to where some auxiliary policemen were directing traffic and my taxi driver said we were going to MBS. The auxiliary police directed us to an expressway and mention an exit number.


When we got close again (from the opposite direction that we had tried before), traffic ground to a halt again because there was only a single lane to exit the expressway. This took us through a small maze of streets that ran through construction sites - again we were stymied because a street that terminated in a T junction had it's right arm blocked. And it was the route to MBS.


The auxiliary coppers had stood by watching other drivers making the same mistake without helping us or them avoid it. The taxi driver and I consoled ourselves that the coppers probably had not been fully briefed either, so it might have been a case of the blind directing the blind.


While findind our way like a pinball in a machine through these streets we noticed there was no traffic on the roads reserved solely for YOG vehicles and VIPs.


Obviously no one had considered the local populace and traffic or they would have sent batches of vehicles along those roads when no YOG and VIP vehicles were around; after all what are sophisticated communications equipment and CCTVs for?


It had all the hallmarks of planners with maps sans commonsense and experience who were instructed that YOG trumps everything else.


Thus while YOG participants and entourages had a privileged and, hopefully,  favourable view of Singapore the rest of us were ignored. 


Some volunteers complained of their lunch boxes and others got food poisoning. 


Others did not volunteer because they found it nigh impossible to get tickets for events in which they were interested - yet when the games started there were empty seats and red faces.


It's not the Sin$387 million reportedly spent on the YOG (up from an original estimate of Sin$122 million give or take) but the disconnect between plans or visions and reality.


I sometimes feel that my Singapore today is groping it's way from a gritty and successful start and needs to be properly grounded lest we soar like Icarus.

Form Or Substance?

We have been back three months and I am still getting to grips with life in Singapore. Although we have a home here and have made regular trips back, we have not stayed here for long stretches, and so have not had to come to grips with some of the changes (for better and for worse) that have taken place since the mid-80's.


Every day there is something to mull on when I read the newspapers.


In the past three days Singapore's biggest newspaper devoted an inordinate amount of space to an unlikely "food blogger" by the nom de plume of 'ladyironchef' (real name Bradley Lau). Unlikely because he is still a student (at university) and has no professional food or wine qualifications - but he does post some pretty pictures on his blog and writes on a topic close to most Singaporeans' hearts.


The first article aired a dispute between a new restaurant and Bradley. Long story short the restaurant invited him (and a companion) to a meal; he took a raincheck and arranged - a few months later - to go for brunch. When asked if he was bringing a guest, he said he was bringing three. However, the restaurant executive did not respond.


Anyway, they came and partook of food and beverage. When they were presented a bill for the extra 'guests' a verbal altercation ensued.


This revelation was followed by a discourse complete with opinions from restauranteurs and food writers on whether food bloggers in Singapore need a code or guidelines for behaviour (a uniquely Singapore solution). 


Today's paper set forth the publication's stance and practice regarding restaurant reviews, written by the deputy editor of the lifestyle section.


I've read and re-read the articles in the Straits Times and visited the blog: http://www.ladyironchef.com/about/ which proclaims itself a "Singapore Food Blog". And I still cannot I cannot figure out what the big fuss is all about. Maybe it is part and parcel of what makes Singapore unique, aside from being fixated about food.


(By the way, "uniquely Singapore" is the tagline for our ads. promoting tourism.)


He's not the only one who blogs about food in or from Singapore; but possibly one of the few who acknowledge trying to do it as a business.


Basically the blog attempts to promote itself to potential advertisers and is also a promotional vehicle for his photography service. Nothing wrong with that.


So why make a big deal of his lack of manners in taking an entourage rather than a companion? So what if he lacks basic manners and his interpretation of right and wrong might not be the same as ours? It might be inexcusable elsewhere, but we're only a 45-year old nation which in the time frame of history can be regarded as a toddler.


And, like toddlers, many of our people still have a lot to learn - starting with manners. But who is going to do the teaching?


Some older Singaporeans have a somewhat 'unconventional' sense of what is right and wrong and of courtesy. I wonder if this is because we have become a nation of 'kiasu' people? Besides, our lexicon favours words like "grab", "take", "give me" - even in advertising copy. 


Even so, his conduct is indefensible.


For those of you who are not familiar with Singapore and Singaporeans this might help:

KIASI
(kee-ah-see)
Hokkien term literally meaning, "afraid of death". Used to admonish someone for being cowardly.
Singlish example: "Raining only, cannot go out, meh? Why you so kiasi one?"

KIASU
(kee-ah-soo)
Hokkien adjective literally meaning, "afraid of losing". A highly pejorative description beloved of Singaporeans. Possibly our defining national characteristic. The nearest English equivalent is "dog in a manger", though even that is pretty mild.
Singlish example: "You went to get a handicapped sticker just to chope a parking space? How kiasu can you get?" (chope means to reserve, "to bags" a place)





By my book, the restaurant was stupid to invite him in the first place (anyone can blog as I have proven, but that does not make him or I an expert in any field - by any stretch of the imagination). Then it sealed it's own fate by keeping mum when he mentioned that he was bringing three guests. 


I should not put money on such a business lasting too long.


By contrast, there was no follow up to a report of the Thai Foreign Minister's visit to lay the foundation stone for the redevelopment of the Thai Embassy's site.


(Straits Times, Aug 21: THAILAND'S minister of foreign affairs, His Excellency Kasit Piromya, arrived in Singapore on Saturday for a foundation stone laying ceremony for the new Royal Thai Embassy.)


I would have thought that it would be of interest (after food property prices occupy many Singaporean minds) as the Thai Embassy occupies a prime site on Orchard Road. It has location, location, location!


If you have never been here, think Park Avenue, Regent Street, Queen's Road Central, etc.


It was reported in Business Times Oct 4, 2005 to be a prime, freehold 190,000 square feet site so you can imagine how much it will affect the existing supply of whatever is going to be built there (hotel rooms, flats, offices, shops).


But not a whisper in the main stream media.


Incidentally, I wonder if the last of the sambar deer that escaped our zoo (about July 30) has been found and brought home? Let me know if you have read about it as I may have missed the news of its return.

You must be Kidding!

After all the time I have spent alive, I should be used to all sorts of people mangling, dismantling, re-assembling, concatenating, elongating, mis-pronouncing and even inventing elements of the English language.

But sometimes it hits a nerve, just like the dentist whose drill happens to touch a sensitive spot.

The other morning, I happened to tune into 90.5 FM and my ears were tortured by an announcer talking incessantly about 'kids' - in fact, promoting a sponsor on a breakfast programme.

Since when did baby goats eat breakfast cereal? And if I were a child today, I'd be tee'd off if anyone called me a 'kid'. But then maybe not because I might be inured to it.

An influx (some describe it as a tsunami) of foreign workers and talent has made multi-racial Singapore even more cosmopolitan, if that is possible.

Everyone here speaks at least one language badly whether it be English, Mandarin, Malay, Tamil or something else.

After returning to our idyllic isle, I was driven to apply for a "PAssion Card" (no, it's not a typo) because every time I went to buy groceries, I was asked if I had a "per mumblejumble card". After every third attempt, because the cashiers thought I must be deaf, they'd tap on a display which spelt out the name.

Obviously "PAssion" is not a word in common speech these days.

It's amazing how fluently people can shout obscenities in several tongues - and be fully understood. And yet we often have trouble communicating with each other in a common language.

Shortly after our new help arrived I thought she was interested in the World Cup because she was talking about "the ref."; only later did I realise that she meant the refrigerator ('fridge to me).

As far as Singaporeans are concerned, the English language (Singapore version) comprises 25 letters of the alphabet. It looks like someone has decided that the "s", like the Singapore flag, is reserved for state occasions - lest it be misused.

New condominiumz are called levelz and loftz, the plural of kid is kidz (Kidz Zone anyone?). Yecch.

Iz it any wonder that kidz today (oopz, I meant children) cannot zpell and are confuzed?

While I was ruminating on this topic and wondering when and how this massacre would stop, it dawned on me that our all seeing, all knowing, all wise government most probably had unleashed their best brains and computing power on this vexing problem.

Being devilish clever, they have made Singapore a safe and comfortable home away from home for the diaspora of the world so that our languages will be refined, purified and corrected.

As I am not qualified to comment on languages such as Mandarin (I have only a smattering of English, Singlish, Cantonese and Malay) I am restricting my opinion to the English language.

I have noticed, reading the local newspapers, the presence and prominence of investors, professionals and workers from the Indian sub-continent.

Indians have not only excelled in math and the sciences, but also in English literature - Arundathi Roy, Kiran Desai, VS Naipaul just to name a few.

Their children excel in schools in America (the reigning spelling bee champion is an Indian teenager*), the U.K. and everywhere else they have settled.

So there you have it, problem solved and I needn't have worried!




*Anamika Veeramani is an Indian-American who won the Spelling Bee 2010 by overwhelming her fellow contestants by correctly spelling the word, ‘Stromuhr’, a word that is not in use by even one percent of the population in their daily usage.
Anamika Veeramani, 14, is from North Royalton-Ohio and she is the third Indian-American to win the Spelling Bee contest.

Singapore news from a different perspective

Just in case the above isn't legible...........

Six sambar deer escaped from their enclosure in a Singapore zoo after a falling tree damaged the surrounding fence, the zoo said on Thursday.

Five of the six were recaptured while the remaining one was still wandering in the Night Safari park, the zoo said. 

The animals escaped on Wednesday, and the zoo said it didn’t know when the enclosure’s fence was damaged.

One of the recaptured deer managed to escape from the zoo itself, officials said. The New Paper reported the deer wandered into an orchid garden, which the owner was tending at the time.

“It was almost as tall as me and was sniffing around the orchids,” said Mark Kaufmann, a 47—year—old artist, according to the paper. “It’s not every day you have a deer walking through your garden.”

Mr. Kaufmann called the zoo and the deer was caught, the paper said.

Adult sambar deer are usually 4 to 6 feet tall (123 to 183 centimeters) and weigh 350 to 575 pounds (159 to 261 kilograms). They are found in India, China, Australia, throughout Southeast Asia and the U.S.

Night Safari said the escape was the first since the nocturnal zoo opened in 1994. In 2008, three white Bengal tigers mauled a 32—year—old Malaysia cleaner to death at the adjacent Singapore Zoo after the man jumped into a moat surrounding their enclosure.

NOTE: one sambar still AWOL on Wed, Aug 4, 2010. Someone suggested it be called "Mas Selamat Dua"

Who is a Seasoned Shopper then?

A friend gave me some food for thought a couple of days ago. To be exact, a tin of coasters with the words, "cash is for amateurs" on its cover.

Not being very bright, I laughed at it and returned the tin to her thinking that she'd picked it up to show me because it was amusing.

"For you", she said,"open it". So I did.

A set of six coasters expressing sentiments that every seasoned shopper (like my pal) would have applied to herself or her like-minded friends at one time or another.

The other five:

"she would show THEM consumer confidence"
"frugal is such an UGLY word"
"she made yet ANOTHER wise shopping decision"
"it had simply been a 'must-have' "
"if only she had bought it when she saw it"

This made me think (yeah, it's hard, I know).

I wonder if seasoned shoppers are born or trained? Is shopping a matter of nature or nurture?

How did I become a Daiso freak? An online shopping site browser? A Mustafa miner? A kitchen gadget collector? A stationery shop addict? A D-I-Y shop digger? A bargain bin diver?

And yet I pale in comparison to many of my friends, here and abroad, who have made shopping a fine art. They can find things to buy where no one else can find anything at all.

Would a seasoned shopper try to kill time by going down to Orchard Road just after 9:00am? No, because that's when only the purveyors of coffee, tea and breakfast would be open.

So my hopes of getting pomeloes from Isetan were dashed that morning and I had to take a slow walk past a still shuttered Tangs, past Orchard MRT station, through Wisma Atria to Takashimaya. All closed up like so many clams.

Since I wanted to continue underground while it was getting hotter outside, I turned around and came home via ION, Wheelock Place and Shaw Centre, thinking "what's a tourist going to do"?

Not much it seems unless he or she takes a stroll in the Botanic Gardens or dallies in an eatery.

Hardly the stuff to satisfy the urge to do a bit of retail therapy. I wished there was a Mustafa nearby, but there was only Jason's supermarket.

Even that hive of nocturnal activity, Orchard Road's equivalent of the Night Safari - Orchard Towers - was somnolent. Its denizens of the night having gone home to catch up with their sleep.

That's when it struck me that something is missing - we need 24 hour shopping up and down Orchard Road.

You be the Judge of this Business News Reporter

I am old-fashioned, I enjoy waking up in the morning and reading my newspapers while having a cup of tea.


Although we feel a bit cut off from the rest of the world while in Florida, we get good reads in the New York Times (which our neighbours say is too liberal!) and the Wall Street Journal.


In Hong Kong we get the South China Morning Post and International Herald Tribune. Sometimes we get the free HK Standard which is delivered to the lobby of our apartment complex. Despite a decline in overall quality (I was going to say 'standards' but you'd have taken it for a poor pun), the Post is still the 'read' for mono-lingual newspaper readers of the English language ilk.


You know you are in a Cantonese territory when all the most interesting tid bits and advertisements are in the local Chinese papers; neither English newspaper captures the flavour of Hong Kong quite as well. Thus, I rely on my HK friends for the juicy stories, latest eating places and other goings on.


Since I don't read Chinese (to the astonishment of my Hong Kong friends who keep saying, "don't all Singaporeans speak Mandarin?"), I cannot compare the English newspapers and Chinese newspapers in Singapore. But I would rather imagine that all the newspapers here convey a uniquely Singapore feel and flavour and one can keep abreast of all the 'happenings' no matter which language is used in your newspaper.


Having said that, we have some friends who have stopped subscribing to the paid print editions and, instead, read the news online. They aren't dinosaurs like us.


Apart from having a newspaper in my hands, being able to see - all at once - an entire page or spread of pages is something that cannot be replicated on a laptop screen. Not if the print has to be legible while the entire page is displayed in full page format.


And I still prefer reading a newspaper from left to right; it's disconcerting to suddenly come to a page in the paper and then find that it's the continuation of an article - and I have to flip to the back to start reading the article!


I have no experience in a newsroom or production department, but even an ignoramus like me can hold an opinion about the newspapers she reads. 


And having friends who are or have been journalists,  I do feel that on the whole journalists are honest - and some are great fun at parties.


Sure, who wouldn't appreciate a story that is presented on a silver platter and only needs a bit of tweaking - I would, if I were a journalist.


And in some places it is accepted practice to be reimbursed for "transport and expenses" to attend a press conference or launch event, to be feted and then sent home with a token of appreciation. 


Even then one's praise (prose?) is usually leavened with the grain of truth - or have I been doing a Rip Van Winkle and been asleep while the world changed?


I went in search for a part for a food processor (more about the food processor later); our journey to and from home entailed driving on Newton Road, Thomson Road, then the flyover by Mr Alvernia (and in reverse). 


On the way home, I noticed a hoarding for 368 Thomson, not too far from the Balestier/Thomson junction. It was quite striking and I wondered what it would be like to live so close to traffic.


Blow me down if I didn't see a full page advertisement for that very development in one of the newspapers the very next morning, and then a "puff" piece in TODAY. 


I could not believe what I read about the development being only "a quick stroll from the Novena MRT station" and "a stone's throw away from the MacRitchie Reservoir"!


Only Usain Bolt would call it a quick stroll, provided he strolls as fast as he can run. And no human being can possibly throw a stone from the location and reach MacRitchie Reservoir. 


It's not even a stretch of the imagination - if Pinocchio was responsible for the piece, the end of his nose would not fit within the covers of the story book!


As a newspaper subscriber I am dismayed and utterly disillusioned that such rubbish could be written and published (what was the reporter thinking and what were the sub-editors doing that night?).


And, if I were a journalist (whether retired or still practising), I would be even more upset.


You don't have to believe me, read it all here starting with my reply of today's date (or read it in chronological order and start from the bottom up):




I REPLIED ON AUGUST 2nd, 2010:


Dear Ms Seow,

I first sent you an email on July 18th, 2010. 

It was IGNORED.

I then followed up  on July 31st and copied it to different recipients; perhaps that did the trick.

You have emailed me today, August 2nd and have NOT addressed the matter of providing incorrect information regarding the distance of the development from both the Novena MRT and MacRitchie Reservoir.

"We will.." suggests you may (or may not) look into the matter. 

"...note the accuracy....."  doesn't mean a useful thing in the context in which you used it.

Had you been as careful in writing the "puff" piece as you have attemtped to in crafting this response, the matter need not have arisen.

I make it a point to read TODAY, which until now has been a refreshing change from the ST, but I fear that you have done it's credibility little good.

Indeed, I am surprised your editor and colleagues have not taken you to task for this, especially as your offices are in Andrew Road (also somewhere between Novena MRT and MacRitchie) and you must be thoroughly familiar with the area!

Yours sincerely,

Anne Wong Holloway

On Aug 2, 2010, at 4:29 PM, Ephraim Seow Siew Lee wrote:

Dear Ms Anne Wong Holloway,

Thanks for your feedback. We will look into the matter and note the accuracy when it comes to property development details.

Yours Sincerely,

Ephraim Seow

Reporter, Business News

Mediacorp Pte Ltd

TV Building Level 2

Caldecott Broadcast Centre

Andrew Road, Singapore 299989

Tel: (65) 6350 3139

Mobile: (65) 9876 6685

Fax: (65) 6251 5352

ephraimseow@mediacorp.com.sg

www.mediacorp.com.sg

* if you bought a Tefal La Moulinette chopper and find it doesn't do a good job of chopping up your belachan or rempah ingredients, go to the agent's service and store location and buy the "old" type blade (DPA1, part no:SS-989749,  the cost is SGD22.00). Works a treat - a long story how I discovered it so won't bore you now!